Lonely Girl
by katryn-ciardi
Summary: No longer a one-shot song-fic about Katie and Zack. Please r&r!
1. Do You Know Who You Are?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Honestly. So don't get yer panties in a twist thinking you can sue me for anything here. All you'll get is my Rasta yarn anklet. Which is cool anyway.ü

Author's Notes: I was listening to Pink and this just came to mind. Sorry for this sorry excuse for a fic, but please read and review anyway.ü I have no idea what Lawrence's last name is, so I made it up. Does anyone know? (looks around helplessly) If you do, please tell me! Thanks!ü

This is dedicated to Operate and all other Zack/Katie shippers out there. Hope y'all like it. (wink) And for the record, I don't know why I used this song. (shrugs)

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NAME: Katherine Angelica Brown

NICKNAME: Katie

AGE: 16 (years, duh)

GENDER: Female

STATUS: Single

OCCUPATION: SoR bassist

LOCATION: Chicago, Illinois

HOMETOWN: Mars. Wait, no! I'm from Venus!

INTERESTS: Music, Tennis, Soccer (basically any sport), my bass guitar, skateboarding, in-line skating, writing (stories, doi!), clothes from Havoc, Pacsun and Hot Topic (even if it's so totally overrated), other stuff.

SCHOOL/S: Jameson High School

FAVORITE MUSIC: MY music... hahaha!

FAVORITE BOOKS: Dante's Inferno, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Anne Rice novels, Shattered Mirror, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, Edgar Allan Poe and Emily Dickinson poetry, Jinx, Tithe, etc.

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: TV is overrated. Especially MTV.

FAVORITE MOVIES: Too many to mention.

ABOUT ME:

I am a princess in this rock star age where everyone seems to be rather fond of judging people, acting like someone they're not (posers!!), and trying to achieve greatness so as not to be forgotten. Death and non-existence is inevitable. But still, we carry on because this is the only chance we get. Princesses have to seem perfect because royalty calls for such, but I am far from perfection. Royalty denies so many things. We strive to remember the normalcy of life, to no avail. There are a series of definitions to try to explain me, and yet I believe none of them. The things I do or say do not and cannot define who I am. I am everything. I am nothing. I am the girl you see staring back at you in the mirror every morning, except I'm not afraid of the consequences society deals to those who dare to be who they are. I am a Supergirl. Your worst nightmare. But I know you love me for being such a fool. And I love everyone for being a part of my foolishness.

Don't you wish life was like in the fairy tales? Climb onto the back of a white horse, hang on to Prince Charming for dear life and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Is there really a 'happily ever after'?

I wish I were Cinderella. But, alas, no...

I'm just me.

I am someone who sings requiems for fallen angels and keeps vigils over their forgotten graves, someone who's tears fall jagged and crystal sharp like forgotten poetry, someone who's been cut from glass in the sunlight and stands like a portrait reminding everyone of the past, someone who rises from the ash against their will, and someone who is so bored she's filling this stupid profile up. Damn you, boredom.

WHO I WANT TO MEET: Someone who's thick enough to think I'm beautiful.

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Katie leaned back against the computer chair so that it tipped back on two legs. She swung her feet up so that they rested beside her keyboard as she clicked SAVE and her profile popped up on this new site she found. She forgot what it was called so why bother, right? She just signed up because it was a boring Tuesday night and she had finished all her homework.

I can remember the very first time I cried

How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside

All of my memories - good and bad - that's past

Didn't even take the time to realize

Her Kazaa program was playing "Lonely Girl" by Pink. Funny, she didn't remember downloading anything by Pink. Maybe it was a glitch, but she was too lazy to stop or pause the song. When was the first time she cried? Katie tilted her head back so that her long black hair fell around her face like shreds of silk. A particular strand in front of her eye was reflecting dull red in the fluorescent light. When was the last time she had her red highlights re-done? Did it matter?

Starin' at the cracks in the walls

Coz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end

Still I curl up right under the bed

Coz it's takin' over my head, all over again

No, not really. When she thought about it, nothing truly mattered. Nothing except the band. How long has it been? 5 years? 6 years? It was hard to remember when everything was going by so fast. She remembered walking into class that one fateful Tuesday morning, hair straight, uniform neat and pressed, her socks pulled up to her knees so that her feet looked small in their shiny leather Mary Janes and her bag devoid of any personality whatsoever. She was a clone. Well, everyone was when you're in 5th grade, but she was the Queen Clone.

Do you even know who you are?

I guess I'm tryin' to find

A borrowed dream or a superstar?

I want to be a star

Is life good to you or is it bad?

I can't tell anymore

Do you even know what you have?

She never dreamed of becoming a rockstar. She was happy just having friends, even if they were grade-grubs like Summer Hathaway, or shy, quiet ones like Lawrence Chang. Life comprised of family, school and grades, her cello, and friends. Oh, and that tiny detail about having a crush on Zackary Mooneyham. That was the only thing that was hard about being in the band. Zack was everywhere. Maybe that's why she stayed with the band even through all the problems. Because Zack needed her, and she needed him.

Lying awake, watchin' the sunlight

How the birds will sing as I count the rings around my eyes

Constantly pushing the world I know aside

I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to try

Now she remembered. They were in 9th grade, and had just gotten their biggest gig yet. It was at this new place by the mall called Risque, and some record producer was going to be there. Dewey was ecstatic about it, thinking that this would be their big break, and the rest of the band caught the excitement. Even Freddy, who normally just stayed in the background, pretending not to care. That night at Risque, Dewey finally talked Katie into doing a solo for the song he made especially for that gig. She agreed, feeling proud that Dewey chose her. Right in the middle, her pick broke and the notes hung shrill and useless in the air, making her amp smoke and the crowd cover their ears in pain. Heat pushed against her eyes. She didn't care if she was embarrassed, but she messed up and the rest of the band would be disappointed in her.

I'm lookin' for a way to become

The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen

Oh, nothin' is ever enough

Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem

How had things gotten so screwed up!? She swung her bass off and bolted, wanting to run as if by doing so she could leave it all behind. She finally slowed down when she came face to face with the mall's automatic doors. She walked in, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. A childish gesture that didn't help and just made her mascara smudge. The Christmas lights made the water in the fountain shift colors. She wanted to climb in and lie there as if the water would wash everything away. And when she woke up, it would all still be the same. Nothing would be wrong and the world would be just fine, just like she kept wanting it to be.

Do you even know who you are?

I'm still tryin' to find

A borrowed dream or a superstar?

Everybody wants to be

Is life good to you or is it bad?

I can't tell anymore

Do you even know what you have?

No

Zack suddenly came through the doors and stopped right in front of her. Katie sniffed and looked up at him, angry that he had to see her like this. He didn't smile or say anything, and she wasn't sure if she had wanted him to. Instead he handed her a handkerchief and sat down beside her, a comforting arm around her shoulders. This made her cry even harder. Why, she didn't know.

Sorry girl, tell a tale for me

Coz I'm wondering how you really feel

I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you

Coz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come true

She quieted down a bit after a fierce internal struggle. She didn't want Zack to think she was a total loon. Katie looked up into his warm brown eyes, comforting and at the same time steady, as if he was promising her that he would never leave her side and would listen to anything she had to say, be it stupid or genius. She broke down again and told him everything.

Do you even know who you are?

Oh, yeah, yeah

A borrowed dream or a superstar?

Oh, I wanted to be a star

She told him about the morning she woke up and her grandmother didn't. She told him about her father and how he wanted her to quit the band and move her to some boarding school against her will. About how he wanted her to be just like her older sister. But she couldn't be perfect because she wasn't. She didn't want to be. She just wanted to be Katie and to be loved for it. She told him about how her grades were dropping and how her father would beat her for it. She told him about how he wanted to be beautiful like Summer or talented like Tomika so that she could prove that she deserved everything she had.

Is life good to you or is it bad?

I can't tell, I can't tell anymore

Do you even know what you have?

I guess not, oh I guess not

Do you even know who you are?

Oh, I'm tryin' to find

Zack pushed her head slightly so that she was crying into his jacket. He stroked her hair, his eyes reflecting her sadness and pain. "Shh, it's gonna be OK, Posh. I promise it's all gonna be OK," he kept whispering into her ear. She finally pulled away after a while and he wiped the tears and smudged make-up away with his thumb, looking into her eyes like he was seeing them for the first time. Katie wasn't sure if she wanted him to look at her like that. What was that in his eyes? Pity? Concern? Or...dare she think it? Love?

A rising dream or a fallen star?

Oh, I have all these dreams

Is life good to you or is it bad?

I can't tell anymore

Do you even know what you have?

No, no

Do you even know what you are?

A rising dream or a fallen star?

Is life good to you or is it bad?

Katie landed with a thud onto the carpeted floor after she jumped, hearing her phone ring. She shook her head free of the memory and walked back to her desk, pulling the chair upright at the same time. She smiled as she recognized the number on caller ID. She picked up her transparent plastic phone with her old stamp collection super-glued on.

"Hey, Zack," she greeted, smiling despite herself.

"Hey, gorgeous." Zack's voice replied on the other line. She could hear School of Rock's demo tape blaring in the background. "We still up for that movie tomorrow night?"

Katie's eyes fell onto a picture of the band at Dewey's apartment after the gig at Risque. They were celebrating after just getting signed. Dewey had taken the picture so he wasn't there, but Freddy had his arms over Marta, Alicia, Eleni and Michelle's shoulders, all of them grinning ear to ear. Tomika had her eyes open wide in surprise as Leonard tripped and spilled grape juice over her. Frankie had Billy in a headlock and Gordon was caught in mid-snort, juice spilling out of his nose. Summer was standing on the coffee table, her mouth open in a scream. Katie could still hear her high-pitched voice echoing into the building "WE GOT SIGNED!" But the reason why this was her favorite picture was because Zack's lips were pressed against her cheek as she blushed because he'd just told her he liked her.

She grinned. "Sure, Zack. And hey?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," she whispered. She'd said it to him a million times, but she still couldn't get rid of the butterflies in her stomach and to be honest, she didn't want to get rid of them.

She could imagine him smile on the other line because he turned down the volume of the music. "I love you, too, Posh. I love you, too."


	2. The Reason

Disclaimer: I am a lonely little writer who owns nothing.

Author's Notes: the response to this was, at the least, overwhelming. It wasn't that there were so many reviews; it was that the ones I got were so sweet and truly made my day. I pray you all forgive me for the late update and review this and tell me what you think of it.

What am I doing? No one really reads these anyway. ü Please, do enjoy.

Oh and Alikona? She wasn't playing bass when she was doing the solo. Let's pretend Zack did. Just clarifying. 

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Chapter 2- The Reason

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

-Hoobastank

Lights momentarily lit up the small room through the cracks in the blinds, making Zachary Mooneyham's eyesight blur for a moment. His dark brown eyes narrowed at the small window, damning the driver who hadn't been aware that his car possessed a dimmer switch for his headlights. He was probably some college yuppie who just got a brand spankin' new convertible because his boat sank or something, Zack concluded, thoroughly disgusted.

He turned his head back to Katie's sleeping form, wrapped in his arms, and Zack sincerely wanted to keep it that way. He had always known that they belonged together, no matter how cheesy it sounded or clichéd a couple they were. It was like God (and his vision of God was a bit skewed, being that he believed God to take the form of Alanis Morisette, thanks to the great piece of art that was Dogma) had made them at the same time and one would never be able to function properly without the other. Katie was the one thing he kept living for, and he liked to live in his delusions that she felt the same way. It had always escaped him why she had stayed with him all these years. She deserved so much better than him.

He laced his henna-ink stained fingers with her long, creamy-white ones and took a deep breath, savoring the smell of her. Her hair always smelled like citrus and lilacs and her skin a mix of wood and metal, owing to the fact that she was always with her guitar and bass. Even if he tried, he would never find anyone else like her. He didn't want to. She was all he would ever need.

If only he could tell her that.

Zack pulled Katie's sleeping form closer so that her head was resting on his shoulder and his lips brushed against her ear.

"Are you awake, Posh?" he whispered softly.

Katie didn't stir and continued to breathe evenly.

Zack took a deep breath. "Remember the first time we had a concert? You were so nervous and pale you looked like you were about to spontaneously combust." He laughed slowly. "Right then I knew that I'd fallen in love with you and there was no going back. I know that maybe I don't say it as often as I should but I do, Posh. I love you more than a human being could possibly love another. I swear that I'll always be there for you, whether you need me or not. You mean more to me than air or sky or ground. I'd even give up music for you, without a second thought. You're the Goddess and I'm your faithful worshipper. Maybe I should start a new religion... Katie-ism? What do you think?"

He thought he saw her smile at that.

"I love it when you smile, and the way your lip quivers when you're about to cry or you don't get something you want. I love the way you blink when Summer says something you don't understand, I love the way your forehead crinkles up during math and chemistry, and the way your nostrils flare when Freddy teases you. I love it when you laugh at my corny jokes but I hate it when you cry. Whenever you do I want to change the world so that it'll stop hurting you.

"I want us to stay like this forever, Kaye. Would you? Would you stay forever with me?"

Zack let out a long sigh. "I'm not acting like myself, am I, Posh?" he asked her ear.

Katie shifted slightly so that her cheek was pressed against his lips. "I love you, Zack," she said sleepily, her brown eyes opening slightly. Her pale-rose lips pulled upward into a smile. "You don't have to say it for me to know,"

He smiled as well and pressed his lips lightly against hers, his long-ish black hair falling around both their faces. He pulled away, his hand resting under her shirt on her bare stomach, his eyes asking permission.

Katie propped herself up on her elbows and met his lips again, this time allowing him entry.

Mid-September rain fell softly outside Zack's window.

================

"Kaye?" Therese Brown knocked softly on her daughter's door, asking permission to enter. She was all right as a mother, being that she was still young but she never knew how to talk to Katie about things. She always felt like she was smothering her daughter, like she was about to do now.

Katie covered the mouthpiece of her telephone with her hand and blinked up at her mum. They normally didn't converse with each other unless it was something serious, and the serious expression on her mother's face told her that it was. "Hold on," she told her mum, and turned away so that she couldn't see what she was saying.

"Zack?"

She saw Therese flinch slightly at this.

"I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow at Sandra's, ok?"

Zack gave out a grunt, which meant yes. "Night, Posh. Sleep tight. Sweet dreams. I love you."

She smiled slightly. "You're such a corndog, Zack. I love you too. Night." She placed the receiver back on the cradle and pulled her legs up to her chin, looking up at her mum questioningly.

Therese was now walking around her room, looking at the photos, a majority of them being of her and Zack. Katie mentally berated herself. Her parent's were all right with her dating, but they knew how long Zack and Katie had been going steady. And knowing them, they would be concerned about it.

"So, talking to Zack?"

Katie sighed; she knew this was going. "Yes, mum. Why? Anything wrong?" She couldn't get the defensive tone out of her voice. Dammit!

"Katie, how old are you?" Therese asked, picking up the pair of jeans Katie had been wearing that day at school and folding them carefully before setting them onto the rest of Katie's dirty laundry.

"Sixteen mum. I'm turning seventeen in December."

"How many people have you dated?"

"One, mum. You know that. Zack." She replied, her eyes narrowing dubiously. What was her mum getting at?

"Honey, I think you should see other people. All you know is Zack and you're too young to have yourself tied down by one person."

Katie's arms fell down onto her pillows in shock. Where was this coming from? Was she serious? She couldn't be, could she? Her parents would never, _never _make her do anything as foul... as evil... as appalling as make her stop dating Zack, right?

Therese sat down at the foot of Katie's bed and stroked her daughter's knee. "Katie, there's a whole world of everything out there. It would be sad if you missed all that because you were afraid to go out of your comfort zone, don't you think?"

"So you're saying Zack is holding me back or something!?" Katie almost screamed, offended, hurt, defensive and downright pissed at the idea her mother was proposing.

Therese shook her head, sighing inwardly. She knew Katie would react like this. After all, she would have too if her parents had told her to stop dating the one man she loved. But she had to do this. It was for Katie's own good to try new things. "Honey, you know I love Zack like a son. He's the ideal son-in-law, and I'm not saying you should stop loving him. Just cool off for a bit between the both of you and try to date other people. You're getting too dependent on one another and that's just not healthy in a relationship."

Katie shook her head, unable to keep her eyes from tearing. "No. NO! you can't make me do this and I _wont_ do it."

"Honey, you father and I have decided. It's either you date new people or we send you to your aunt in New York and study there."

Katie's brown eyes went wide at this. Her mouth fell open to retort but she couldn't form any words. All she could do was sit there, looking like a fish out of water, trying to comprehend what her parents were making her do. All too suddenly her eyes started stinging, like when an eyelash was stuck and she couldn't get it out. The room went blurry.

"Oh, Katie, honey," Therese pleaded, feeling like a major heel.

"Please, mum, just get out." Katie managed to choke out, grabbing the nearest pillow and burying her face in it.

Her mum stood up and moved towards the door. "If you're sneaking out to Raine's don't forget your jacket." she said as she closed to door behind her.

Katie held in a scream and threw the pillow at the door after her. How could she still be so cool and calm after ripping her daughter's life apart!? Thoroughly pissed she did the only thing she could think of: call Raine to see if she was at home.

"You've reached the Vasquez residence. Press 1 to leave a message for Nicodemus Vasquez. Press 2 for Nicolette Vasquez. Press 3 for Mitchell Vasquez. Press 4 for Katarina-"

The recording was barely finished before Katie punched in 4. Raine finally picked up just when Katie thought she'd go insane from the constant ringing.

"This better be important," Raine sputtered into the receiver. Katie could just imagine her leaning across the bed, still in her clothes from school, looking cross that someone had woken her up. She didn't blame her- it was well past 11.

"Raine," Katie managed to say, new tears forming around her dark brown eyes.

"Kaye?" her best friend sounded more awake now. "What happened? Are you all right? Is everything OK? Chill! What happened? Is it Zack? Oh my gosh, I totally saw this coming. Don't worry about it and just, just breathe for a second, all right?"

Katie almost laughed at Raine's banter. "_You _chill, Raine. My mum just walked in and said that I'm not allowed to be Zack's girlfriend anymore because I should try new things. What the hell are they on? So now I need someone else's permission to be with him? Ugh! They're just so full of bull I wanna SCREAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!"

There was a pause on the other line. "Uh-huh. You go do that, Kaye. But I totally agree. It's a total perversion of their guardianship rights. They can't tell you who to date!"

"I know and it's just so frustrating because I know she's serious!"

Another pause, as if Raine were carefully choosing her words. "So are you? Gonna be a total slut and date other guys or at least tell Zack?"

Katie thought about it for a second. "I don't know!" she half-screamed into the mouthpiece. "AAAUUURRRGGHH!! Raine, I really really need help. I don't know what to do. I can't lie to my parents or follow what they're telling me to do and I as sure as hell can't tell Zack."

"Look at it this way, how would Zack react if he found out you went on a date with some guy your 'rents made you go with?"

"He'd go ballistic and not even try to hear an explanation." Katie answered automatically.

"Exactly, so it's better that you tell him about it and let him help you figure something out, don't you think? Stop being pessimistic about it and think of it as a weird crazy cool adventure in your relationship."

A pause. "Raine, did you just say 'weird crazy cool'?"

"I'm deprived of sleep, Kaye. Cut me some slack." Her best friend laughed.

"Oh, Raine? What did you mean when you said you were expecting this from Zack?"

After a few more seconds the reply finally came. "Nothing, I was just on the defensive if he'd hurt you or something equally impossible, right?" Raine laughed feebly.

Too distraught, Katie decided to buy it. "Oh. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. I have to stay awake the rest of the night trying to think of the perfect way to tell Zack."

"There is no perfect way. And if you decide to wimp out, I can always be your back up and tell him, OK? So don't lose too much sleep over it. Night, Kaye. And please try to smile once in a while."

Katie laughed as her best friend quoted "Lullaby". "Fine. Night, Raine. Thanks."

===================

"This stuff's good, you sure you don't want any?" Raine asked, her voice slightly muffled by the finger coated with maple syrup in her mouth.

Zack looked up at his best friend, next to Freddy Jones of course, looking tired but happy. They were at Sandra's Diner, having breakfast like they did every weekday morning. It was Friday, the last day of the week, and they were waiting for Freddy and Katie to show up.

Raine Vasquez was a year below their batch; a sophomore. She and Katie had practically identical hair, long and black with red highlights, except Raine's skin was paler and her eyes were a violent bluish purple. The two of them went shopping at vintage stores all the time and made their own clothes.

Zack mused at the irony of how even if Raine was the youngest she was the one who acted like their mother- fiercely protective but infinitely loving at the same time. He looked down at the plate of blueberry pancakes and frowned. "And you complain that you're fat," he said, wrinkling his nose at her.

Raine threw a napkin at his face. "I am fat; you call me a pig at least twice a day. But at least I'm not some malnourished wanker with too-long hair and a ratty face and scrawny bird-bones." she scoffed. They both knew it wasn't true.

Zack had grown up to fulfill every one of Dewey Finn's expectations and live out his "rock god" ideals. He hardly ever cut his hair (Raine cut it for him when they had the time), making his straight jet-black bangs fall into his puppy dog gray eyes that always betrayed a secret. He was a normal tan color, not too pale and not too dark, and he had a slight slouch from playing hours on end with his heavy cherry red Gibson flying V. He always had a confused, far away stare, as if in the back of his mind he was making up lyrics and his fingers searching for the right chords. He dressed in faded band t-shirts, too-loose jeans and worn-out black Chucks. In other words... he was rock god personified.

Zack smiled at the familiar insult-exchange, suddenly feeling up to the challenge. It had been too long since they'd sniped at each other. "Well, I'm not the fat, short and ugly severely untalented chick with ugly red hair, an annoying British accent and a pudgy face," he dead-panned, his voice not rising one bit.

They'd been doing this to each other since they were in grade school. In fact, it was the reason they had become so close in the first place. Raine had just transferred to Horace Green from a dance academy in London, and on her first day of 5th grade and she had accidentally crashed into Zack in the hallway, sending his guitar flying and crashing into a wall. The insults began to fly and they both got detention, where she'd apologized and they had become close friends. She had replaced the ruined guitar and now it was one of Zack's most prized possessions.

Raine grinned at Zack. "I'm glad to see you're back to your old self, Jimi." She'd been calling him "Jimi" since the first time she heard us, School of Rock, play, and he called her "Steffi" because her favorite singer at the time had been Gwen Steffani.

Around them Yellowcard's "Way Away" started playing from the boom box as Raine ducked down, rummaging around her army messenger bag.

Zack tucked into his bacon and eggs just as Freddy walked in, looking half-asleep. His hair was sticking up at the back and his black TRIBAL shirt was rumpled, as were his jeans. His normally bright blue eyes were bleary and the indent of his sheets were still on his face. Everyone had noticed that he had toned down over the years and was content to be in the background, but he hardly ever was because every girl wanted him, and every guy wanted to be like him for it. Tomika told them once that she'd heard that there was a Freddy Jones Fan Club. Zack hadn't been able to sleep well that night.

Freddy slid into the booth beside Raine and took a gulp of her orange juice. "'Sup?"

Raine finally sat back upright, a bottle of henna-ink in her fishnet-gloved hand. "Did you even remember to brush your teeth this morning, Fred?"

A pause.

"Yes,"

She rolled her naturally purple eyes and tossed him her bottle of Tic-Tacs. Freddy put them down beside the glass of juice so he wouldn't forget before gobbling down the rest of the pancakes. Raine was now drawing patterns on her wrist with the henna-ink. Her fingers were practically as stained as Zack's because they did hennas for extra pocket money, but it wasn't as obvious on her because her fingernails were always painted black. She and Katie used to graffiti-paint each other's nails, but what with both their extra-curriculars and love lives and respective bands, neither had found enough time.

Freddy let out a loud belch just as another song began. It was "Clumsy" by Our Lady Peace.

Raine stopped and waved her hand in front of her face, frowning. "That was nasty, Fred. I'm sure Marta would loathe to see you right now," she informed him.

Freddy shrugged. "Doesn't matter. We broke up,"

Zack raised an eyebrow at this startling piece of information. Their relationship had been Freddy's longest ever, basically because of the fact that Marta had been used to him and his slob-ish, slightly dense cluelessness. They had been going out for a whole year and now he was stating it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Zack wondered dubiously if Freddy took anything seriously at all. Raine was trying to look indifferent about it in her corner of the booth, but she wanted to smile.

"Why? When? How? Why didn't you tell me?"

Freddy sighed; classic Zack interrogation. He would have preferred just talking to Katie or Raine about it, because they wouldn't say anything, try to make him feel better by telling him what a fantastic catch he was (he grinned inwardly at this thought), and he could let out how crappy he was feeling, but now Zack knew and he deserved to know the whole story. After all, they had been friends for 7 years. In 6th grade Freddy said that Zack was a Martian, and Zack had countered that Freddy was his Martian mother.

Freddy tried valiantly not to smile at the random memory.

"We talked about it last month because she said it wasn't working out for her, that I wasn't paying enough attention. I asked if we could give it a chance and, well, you can see that didn't work." Freddy said slowly, his hands tapping the side of the booth table with every syllable.

Freddy berated himself mentally. Why couldn't he tell them the whole story? He let out a sigh. It was as much as he could allow himself to say at the moment. Wounds were still raw.

Raine spoke before Zack could. "Is that why you're such a mess today?" she asked as-a-matter-of-factly.

Freddy paused then shrugged. "Maybe. I'm not really sure."

Zack, who had been sitting on the edge of his seat while Freddy had been speaking, leaned back onto the fire hydrant red vinyl seat, running a hand through his messy black hair. A habit of his when he was preparing to say something heavy.

He was fighting an incredible mental battle within him. Even if the blond punk drummer was smiling on the outside, his friends knew him well enough to know that he was really in pain over breaking up with Marta. Zack wanted to be there for him, but he was never really one for many words.

"That's not the whole story, is it?" Zack prompted, raising his eyebrows at his best friend.

"You don't want to know, Zack. Really, you don't." Freddy said, matching Zack's gaze evenly.

Raine could practically see the war going between them. A war of will and stubbornness. After a few tense moments she turned back to her henna ink, and Freddy looked away; he'd given in to Zack. "Fine," he hissed.

"Sore loser," Raine taunted, punching his arm lightly. Zack almost always won.

Freddy sighed and rested his elbows on the table. Raine was struggling not to say anything about manners for the sake of knowing about what had happened. "You know Nicolas Robin right? Well, he asked Marta out and apparently she's had 'this really really super huge crush on him since, like, forever'-"he said, mocking Marta's high, ditzy voice. The voice that had annoyed the hell out of Zack when she had been his lab partner in biology last year. "So she asked me if an open relationship was all right, and for the hell of it I said we could try it out. It didn't, as you all can obviously see."

"Nobody ever gets the best of both worlds," Zack ventured.

"I guess Marta thought that the grass was greener on the other side even if it isn't." Raine added, hoping it would make him feel better.

Freddy laughed. "You two are hopelessly clichéd romantics who have no concept of reality, aren't you?"

Raine pouted. "Oh bugger off. At least we're not trying to take the mickey out of you or anything horrid like that,"

Zack and Freddy blinked at her. "In normal English please?" they prompted in unison.

"It means that at least she isn't making fun of you or anything equally mean." Katie explained, finally arriving.

Unnerving. She was later than Freddy. Katie slipped into the booth beside Zack and he kissed her lightly on the lips in greeting. She subconsciously stiffened at this. Raine noticed and glared at her.

"Yeah, well you'd know, Posh. You're her best friend." Freddy said defensively.

Raine kicked him with the toe of her combat boots, now annoyed at how cold Katie was acting towards her boyfriend. "So are you and Zack, you bloody wanker. Crickey, you'd think you both'd be used to me by now."

"And you'd think you'd learn how to speak normal English by now, wouldn't you?" Freddy shot back, pinching her leg.

Raine let out slight scream and kicked him hard, which only resulted in Freddy knocking over the glass of orange juice.

The four of them stared at the mess for a moment then burst out laughing.

"You're such a klutz, Frederick Martin Jones!" Maria, the waitress, exclaimed, now in front of their table, looking amused. She took out the notebook and pen from her apron. "This is going on your tab, kids."

Freddy turned to face her, instantly putting on his trademark puppy dog look. "Aww, c'mon Maria. You saw it was an accident."

The woman simply smiled. "You always get the best of me, Frederick, but this better not happen again,"

Freddy grinned and saluted her. "Yes Ma'am! You have my solemn oath, Ma'am!"

Once Maria was out of earshot Raine kicked him again. "You're suck a suck-up, you whore!" she grinned.

Zack caught Katie's eye and smiled. Raine and Freddy always carried on with their own conversations towards the end of breakfast, leaving Katie and Zack their own little world. It was just how things were. Zack and Katie were cool- air and water, while Raine and Freddy smoldered like earth and fire.

"Have you eaten?" Zack asked quietly, his dark eyes gently probing hers.

Katie shook her head, poking her fingers through the stray threads on the bottom of her worn denim skirt. On Fridays all students were allowed to wear casual clothes and today she'd pulled on her older sister's old denim skirt and an ocean blue top that she and Karyl (her sister) had dyed together, pairing it with blue inch high lace-ups. The only rocker-Goth twist to it was the strip of denim cloth Katie had ripped off the bottom of the skirt and tied around her head like a ribbon.

Zack laced his fingers with hers. "You should eat then. Class starts in," he checked the wall clock behind the diner's counter. "15 minutes. I don't want you starving all the way 'til break time."

Katie felt like crying at his genuine concern for her. She nodded mutely and pulled her hand gently out of his to try to choke down some un-orange-juice-soaked pancakes, party out of the need to pacify Zack and partly to assure herself that it would make him happy. She couldn't bring herself to even imagine the conversation that they'd have later that day.

Raine's mascara-ed eyes narrowed slightly, noting how Freddy's attention had wavered and was now directed towards Katie. Not to her immediate surprise, her best friend now looked like she was ready to cry. Zack was looking painfully at her, trying to coax her into telling him what was wrong.

Raine felt a sharp, hallowing pain in her chest. She'd give anything to have someone that held that much concern for her, and there Katie was, oblivious to the fact that not only was Zachary Taylor Mooneyham madly, insanely, head over heels in love with her, but so was his best friend, Frederick Jones.

It didn't exactly take a neurosurgeon to see, and Raine wasn't the dullest tool in the shed. It annoyed her to see how Freddy kept lusting after something he so clearly couldn't have.

Pushing the feelings aside, she grabbed her bag and threw a $10 bill onto the table. "Shove over, Freddy."

The blonde got out of the booth to let her out and she grabbed Katie's bag as well as the other girl's wrist.

"Zack, I'll talk to you later during lunch, all right?"

Zack nodded at her, seeming to retreat back into his frame as he pulled his gaze away from his girlfriend towards the window that overlooked the sidewalk. Freddy's hand was now clenched under the table, pissed at how much more priority Zack had to know what was going on with Katie. The plate of bacon and eggs seemed to sizzle under his glare all over again.

Raine pulled Katie out into the bright sunlight, joining the throng of other students marching over to Jameson High School.

"I'm so sorry, Raine," Katie sniffed, pulling a kerchief from her skirt pocket. "I can't do it. I can't tell him," She took her bag from Raine's other hand and slipped it around her lithe form.

The shorter girl took a deep breath, trying to draw enough patience. She definitely would never become a shrink or a counselor- the job was too emotionally draining. "I understand and it's OK. But it's not like you two are going to break up. You and Zack always find a way. Like remember when you joined our Coven and your parents almost turned you into a hermit? Zack visited you at home everyday, woke you up in the middle of the night by creeping to your window just to give you flowers and tell you how much he loved you. That will never end, Kaye. Zack's always gonna love you and you'll always have your friends."

Katie managed a watery smile. Raine had a point even though Katie was sure she had no idea what she was going through. But still, she couldn't bear to tell Zack.

"Don't worry. I'll tell him if you want me to," Raine promised, smiling and looping her arm through Katie's.

"Raine, you're the best friend anyone could possibly have," Katie beamed.

"I'm not so sure about that," the sophomore whispered quietly to herself.

A/N: did you like? Please, read and review! It's all greatly appreciated! It's a bit poor without much character development though, but I promise to fix that in the coming chapters! Ü R & R!


	3. 5 Minutes

Disclaimer: I now own my own patch of air in the atmosphere, if that makes any sense at all. Hahaha.

Author's Notes: Ahh, I love banter. Ü Hope you all love it as well! And thank you MellowYellow36! I got the "Moons" nickname off you! Heehee! Hope you don't mind! Anyways, please enjoy! (And congratulate me! I'm updating regularly despite school! Hahaha!) The song is copyright to my band, Skarlette. Please ask me if you like it and will use it somewhere. Thank you.

Chapter 3- 5 Minutes

I'm afraid to close my eyes

Because I might get lost in the darkness

I'm afraid to spread my wings and fly

Because I feel so lifeless

The fact that I bleed

The fact that I breathe

I guess it proves

I'm truly human

But I'm so much more than that

Can you tell me what it's like-

To be ordinary?

-Skarlette

Freddy swallowed, trying to force down the overly sweet strep throat medicine. He scraped his tongue against his teeth, trying to get the taste out but he knew he needed water, and fast.

After a quick thank you to the nurse on duty, he bolted out of the school clinic towards the cafeteria. It was lunchtime and he had to return to his Algebra class because he'd left his books there. He cursed mentally, damning his body for making him have a sore throat that day. He wanted to be there when Raine told Zack what had happened with Katie earlier that morning.

Katie. Every thought led back to her. Her eyes, her hair, her smile, the way her ears turned pink when she was embarrassed. He was sure Zack had never noticed those things. After all, he'd been friends with Katie practically since she'd gotten home from the hospital, and he knew every nuance of her face like no one else did. He loved her without question, but she loved Zack.

Zack, his best friend.

When he had found out in 9th grade that they were going out, he'd first gotten angry. Angry at Zack. At Katie. At the world. At himself for being to slow. He knew a girl like Katie would never just stay in one place waiting for him. It was his own fault for being too shy and afraid of what could have been if he had taken the risk for something he loved. Freddy had never loved anything in his entire life aside from his parents, band, friends, drum set and Katie. Add that to the fact that he never actually admitted any emotion, and any normal person could see, Freddy defended himself, he had been scared of what might have been.

But that was all it would ever be now. Something that might have been.

In 6th grade he told Martina Thomas that he loved her, and she laughed in his face and said "Hell no, Freddy. You're just a friend."

Phobia. Yes, that was it. Freddy thought to himself. Blame it on psychosis.

The blonde punk drummer stepped into the gleaming white cafeteria, blue eyes darting around to find Zack and the rest of the band, School of Rock. The icky sweet taste in his throat was now forgotten and he was dimly aware that girls were staring at him, so he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his jeans and headed towards the pay counter, where he'd caught a flash of Raine's red and pink braids.

"Hey," he greeted, resting a hand onto the small of her back.

Raine twisted around, her eyebrow raised. "Hey yourself, stranger,"

"I'm strange but not a stranger," Freddy smiled. He could just let go and not act like the adolescent jock-ish punker everyone expected him to be. Raine never had any expectations; she just accepted.

"This it?" the cafeteria lady asked boredly, looking down at Raine's practically bare tray. All she had was a plastic case of salad, a plastic-wrapped ham and cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread, and a bottle of water.

Raine nodded, her hand digging into her messenger bag for her wallet.

"No, here, let me pay," and Freddy pulled out a whole wad of bills from his back pocket.

Behind them Charlotte Webber started whispering into Janice Ingleberg's ear. "Oh my gosh, did you see that? Freddy Jones is buying Katarina Vasquez lunch!"

"Who in the hell is Katarina Vasquez?" Janice whispered back.

"That witch girl in 10th grade!"

Raine tossed them a withering glare and turned back to Freddy only to find that he had already picked up her tray and was now walking towards their usual table. "Thank you, but you are aware of the fact that you've practically committed social suicide by buying me lunch, are you not?" She raised an eyebrow at Freddy, popping the top of her salad.

The drummer laughed and swung an arm over the back of his chair. "Do I look like I give a damn about what a bunch of girls say?"

Raine pretended to think about it for about a nanosecond. "Well, being that in the future you'll probably sleep with them, then yes. I'd say you do care what they say. Especially since it's with reference to me, the apparent 'witch girl in 10th grade.'"

"Don't let those lemmings get to you, Rei. They're jealous because you're in the presence of the great Freddy Jones. And besides, this is high school. Everyone will find a reason to hate you." he grinned.

Raine rolled her eyes. "Everyone seems to _love_ you, though. Don't they? Hey, Lawrence. Gordon. Frankie. Marco. Billy." She greeted, nodding to each boy in turn as they sat down at the table.

Frankie let out a sigh as he sat down.

"You all right, man?" Freddy queried.

Frankie opened one eye as he leaned back, savoring his sitting position. "Yeah, man. But everything down to my toes hurt." He complained.

Marco laughed. "I'm suddenly glad I'm in basketball, not football."

"Hey, basketball is just as hard," Billy defended. Since 5th grade he'd shot up to practically 6"2 and had gotten rid of his pitchy girly voice. But still, that hadn't diminished the fact that he was an out-of-the-closet queer since 4th grade. Marco still had issues with bathing at school after basketball practice.

"How are you, Miss Vasquez?" Lawrence greeted, smiling sweetly.

Raine laughed. "Peachy keen, Mister Chang. And you?"

"I still can't fathom why you call each other that," Gordon complained.

Lawrence simply smiled, betraying no secrets. "It's a minority thing, right, Miss Vasquez?"

"If there's one thing you aren't, Law, it's a minority," Frankie commented. "Everywhere I look you're there. Even in football!"

"Being assistant coach has its perks, Frankie." Lawrence defended himself.

"Yeah, you get to watch all the hunky footballers all sweaty out there on the field!" Billy quipped. Freddy saw Frankie wince.

Everyone laughed. "I was thinking more along the lines of watching the cheerleaders, though." Lawrence commented. "But that could work too!"

Marco, Gordon and Frankie threw the paper covers of their plastic straws at him, looking appalled.

Lawrence held his hand in front of his face and laughed. "I was kidding!"

"What's the joke?" Marta asked, smiling brightly as she sat down beside Marco and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Tomika and Alicia, the other two back up SoR singers followed suit.

"Law was making an disgusting pun about being gay," Gordon explained.

"Well, he never told me that!" Michelle commented, trying to look angry with her boyfriend. Lawrence immediately stood up and took her tray, smiling.

Eleni sat down beside Freddy, her cousin, and grinned. "Wow, who woulda thunk that Law would turn out to be a fag?"

"Hey!" Billy objected. "I take offence at that stereotype!"

Eleni tossed him an apologetic look. "Oh, sorry. I meant raging homosexual!" She squeaked as Billy pinched her side.

Michelle frowned. "Lawrence isn't a raging homosexual, Leni!"

Billy let out a melodramatic sigh. "Not you too, Chelle!"

Freddy wanted to drag Raine off and worm all the details out of her because the band's repartee was just about to drive him insane. He was worried like hell about Katie. He hadn't seen her since that morning at Sandra's diner, and he was dying to know what it had all been about. He even finished half of Raine's lunch to get her away from there faster, and he loathed healthy food.

Thankfully, though, Zack had arrived just as Raine finished off her bottle of mineral water.

"'Scuse me, ladies and gents. I have a meeting with my maker," Raine said, saluting them as she stood up, carrying her tray.

Zack threw Freddy a confused look when he stood up as well.

"She's my friend too," Freddy justified as the three of them departed from the cafeteria.

Zack merely shrugged.

"All right, so where d'you want me to start?" Raine queried as they sat down onto the dewy grass near Jameson's front steps. She fidgeted a bit, trying to fix her skirt so that her knickers wouldn't show. It was a bit of a miracle they hadn't so far. Her lacy skirt was well over her knees and her fishnet hose was run in a few places, but she still managed to look ethereal. A pixie dipped in black ink.

Freddy raised an eyebrow, picking a blade of grass and chewing on it. "There's a lot?"

Raine sighed, tossing her head back to face the sky. "Last night Katie and Therese had a little talk about her social life. Apparently, Therese thinks that Katie shouldn't tie herself down to one person, i.e. Zack, since she's so young and she should experience new things, blah blah blah." She waved her hand dismissively in the air. "The usual excuses parents use. So now, they're making her break up with you, Jimi, and date other people, or the loons are sending her off to her aunt in wonderful New York New York to study there. So now you understand why Katie was such a mess this morning. She still doesn't know what to do and she didn't know how to tell you, Jimi. She asked me to send her deepest apologies for being the spineless coward that she says she is."

Zack was staring down at the grass, his hair shadowing his face.

Freddy tried not to let his mouth fall open. Were they serious? Was this really happening? This was the break he'd been waiting for! But then he took one look at his best friend's crumpled face that it would never happen and he wouldn't let it. What was he thinking? Zack and Katie were meant to be together, and Freddy wouldn't allow himself to be a roadblock and shatter their friendships. He'd just have to learn how to let Katie go.

Easier said than done.

* * *

"Can we talk?"

Katie half-jumped out of her skin. Dejected, she slipped the remainder of her books back into her locker and shut it. Zack was leaning against the ones beside hers, arms crossed over his chest, looking as miserable as he felt.

Katie felt a spreading ache in her chest and it continued down to her stomach, making her feel like she'd swallowed a dead weight. This was all her fault, her subconscious reminded her. You made Zack sad.

"About what?" she managed to say.

"I heard what you mother said," he explained, not trusting himself to look at her, or his body might betray him and he might do something he didn't want to, couldn't do, wasn't supposed to do at the moment.

She almost let out a whimper at this. Raine had done the deed. She wasn't sure if she was thankful or angry with her for it. "So?"

He felt almost mad at how impassive she was acting. "Isn't there anything you...we can do?" he asked, finally looking up at her face, hoping that he could find an answer there.

Katie cast her eyes downward. "I don't know, Zack." She said his name softly, as if it caused her pain.

He looked away again and stared at the opposite wall as people jostled around them, eager to get a head start on their weekend. "Can't we just...stay together? I don't mind if your parents make you see other people. I need you, Posh," He took her hand and pulled her towards him. Katie bent towards his will, not knowing what to do. At the moment, she was lost in the anguish she saw in Zack's eyes.

He rested his forehead against hers. "I love you so much, Katie. Please, we have to find a way to get through this,"

Tears pushed their way behind her eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to be anywhere else but there. "I'm sorry, Zack. But if my parents find out it's the end of everything. I'll have to move and we'd never be together. I'd have to leave the band and all my friends and-"

"So I don't mean more to you than all that?" Zack let go of her hand, a definite edge to his voice that she had never heard before.

She shook her head, wishing that he could read her heart and mind so he'd know what she meant. "I'm just saying that maybe for a while we could cool things off a bit. Nothing permanent, Zack. Just until my parents are satisfied that they've ruined my life. Please understand, you mean more to me than you'll ever know, but I want to cover all the bases and be sure that this wont happen again."

Zack took a step back, jamming his hands into his jacket pockets so that she wouldn't see them shaking. "Cover all your bases then. Call me when you've hit a home run." And with that he turned and joined the crowd out the exit, leaving Katie feeling emptier than she'd ever felt in her entire life.

* * *

BEEP!

_No more Katie._

BEEEEEEEP!

_No more sleepovers and midnight talks. No more popcorn faces and 1000-calorie lasagna and triple chocolate fudge fights. No more counting the stars to see if they matched all the reasons why we loved each other._

_Did she even really love me? She threw everything away so easily, like it didn't matter at all._

**BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**

_No more Katie kissing me. Her hand wont be there to hold anymore and I can never see her smile the way I used to. No more secrets just between the both of us. Crap, I feel like someone ripped everything inside me out and is hanging it on their clothesline somewhere. Like something's died inside of me._

"Dammit, Moons! What's it gonna take for you to get down from space?"

Zack's head snapped up, pulling his mind from his reverie. Raine and Freddy were in the back seat of Keagan Fyr's (a sophomore, Raine's fellow Coven member and band mate) fire hydrant red convertible. Freddy and Raine were wearing their soccer jerseys, knee-high mud-streaked socks and cleats, having just come from soccer varsity practice. Keagan, on the other hand, was wearing a loose paint-stained shirt from art club.

Suddenly Zack felt incomplete. Everyone else had so many extra-curricular activities they could bank on and put on their college applications. He was putting his eggs all in one basket, what with the band and all. It hurt to think about the future. The future that he and Katie had so meticulously planned out. It seemed so simple and perfect.

After graduating high school they'd go to the same college, finish a course, spending all their free time on each other and the band. After that they'd get married, have 3 kids (a boy, and two girls), and ride off into the happily ever after sunset. Zack wished it were that simple.

"Moons, you should come to our circle tonight. It might do you some good." Keagan commented as Freddy jumped out and steered his best friend into the car.

"What about band practice?" Zack mumbled absent-mindedly. He wouldn't mind going to another of their Coven's circles. The whole in-tune-with-Nature thing made him feel better sometimes. He and Katie always went together.

_Katie._

"Dewey called and said that he's having a meeting with the producers, so it's cancelled. Nothing until tomorrow afternoon. Oh, he said to remind you to practice your solo." Freddy informed him.

_Oh my God. How is the band going to work out? I'll have to work with Katie all the time on the album. Do I have to pretend this never happened? Holy shit._

Raine slapped the back of his head. "Jimi, you've got to stop thinking about her." She said, reading his mind. "And don't worry, she's not going to be there tonight. Her parents are dragging her off to some business dinner, so you don't have to worry about seeing her immediately."

_Maybe I want to see her,_ Zack thought, suddenly feeling a rush of anger towards Raine. It was partly her fault. If she hadn't told Zack and made Katie talk to him, maybe he would've been able to convince her that they shouldn't break up.

_Think rationally, Moonyham. This isn't Steffi's fault. She was just a pawn who, granted, didn't know any better. You can't let your anger out on her. It was no one's fault._

From beside Freddy, Raine let out a sigh. Freddy patted her shoulder comfortingly.

They turned down the end of the road towards his house, where the circle would take place. Zack glanced absently at the digital clock. The glowing green numbers clearly read 6:12. 6 had been Katie's jersey number back in grade school volleyball varsity. 6 times 2 equals 12. 2. It would never be the two of them anymore.

Keagan switched the radio on.

_My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer..._

_Fantastic_, Zack thought, leaning further back into the leather bucket seat. "Cute without the 'e'". Yes, that was the perfect song for now. _Let go for tonight, Moonyham._

They arrived at the house without further conversation. A few other cars were already parked in the driveway and he could hear music from inside the house. Once inside, Freddy and Raine ran upstairs to change clothes for the circle, while Keagan disappeared into the kitchen to get food.

"Hi, you're Zack right?" A petite-looking blonde girl bounced into the seat next to his and took a daring sip of his beer. "The lead guitarist of School of Rock?"

Inwardly he wondered what a girl like this would know about rock music. "Yeah, why?"

"I saw your concert last summer. It rocked. Totally changed my whole life. Your bassist, Katherine Brown, inspired me to take up an instrument. You two are together, right?" Her sparkling blue eyes searched his face questioningly.

Zack took a swig of beer, hoping that the alcohol would kick in. "Not anymore."

"That sucks," She looked away and waved to a girl with long black hair in curly ringlets that just walked in. "My name's Lily, by the way. Are you an initiate? This is my second time at a Wiccan circle. I grew up Catholic."

Zack shook his head. "My friends just asked me to participate."

"You mean Raine and Keagan?"

Zack raised an eyebrow at her.

"I saw you walk in with them. I can't believe Freddy Jones is here! I cant wait to see what kind of energy he has." She gushed, looking around the room again. There was a kick-ass stereo system in one corner, and a fireplace against one wall. All the furniture was pushed aside to make room for everyone.

Zack downed the rest of his bottle, wishing that Lily would just go away. He wanted company but there was nothing anyone could say to make him feel better.

Raine bounded into the room, dressed in a pair of worn jeans and fitted storm violet sweater that matched her eyes perfectly. She switched the music in the stereo to a Gregorian Chant CD. "All right, boys and girls, center of the room."

Zack stood up, making sure to place himself away from Lily and her boundless energy. In the end he was between Keagan and Raine, two of the three blood witches in their Coven. Keagan came from a long line of Rowanwands, and Raine's parents wouldn't tell her which Clan they had descended from, but both had a knack for fire. He wondered what would happen to him if either of them lost control.

Keagan stared drawing a circle of chalk around everyone and when Freddy finally walked in, he closed it. "Thalia, would you please purify the circle?"

The girl with long curly hair nodded, pleased that Keagan had chosen her. She walked around the circle, sprinkling the salt. "With this salt, we purify our circle. With thanks to the God and Goddess,"

Keagan looked expectantly at Raine. She nodded and waved her hand in front of her, and a fire sputtered to life in the fireplace on the opposite wall. A few people let out screams and gasps. Keagan bent down and blew onto the candles, and they too flickered to life.

Raine held Zack's hand and closed her eyes, staring to walk counter-clockwise.

Soon the air in the living room filled with Gareth's low, soothing voice. He was roughly 40, a Brightendale. "Tonight we're concentrating on something we've lost. So try to see it in your mind's eye, and try to harness the energy of the circle to try to have it return to you."

_Katie_. Zack thought automatically, but it seemed childish to use everyone's energies to try to get her back. She wasn't really lost, anyway. Just gone. He closed his eyes, systematically putting all his muscles and thoughts at ease. In the past few months he'd began meditating, so putting himself into a slight trance was easy. The hard part was trying to get Katie off his mind.

Keagan's grip on his hand tightened slightly.

Zack suddenly had a mental image of a girl with long strawberry blonde hair and bright emerald green eyes, roughly around 5 years old. Selena, the name popped into his head. Was she the one that Keagan had lost? Zack opened his eyes and stared at everyone with their eyes squinted shut. He turned to look at Raine and felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

Instinctively he tired to let go but their hands felt super-glued together, and a girl named Sarah, who had been on Raine's other side, fell backwards. Zack shut his eyes, and a movie played on the inside of his head. He couldn't feel Keagan's hand anymore.

Raine was a kid with no one in their house it felt so cold and alone like no one would hear her if she screamed so she screamed her heart and soul out and no one came to help her. A small part of Zack's brain that was sane wondered if he was screaming from the cold as well. No one would ever come to help them. The fear was so palpable he felt like if he could punch the air it would shatter and fall but the fear stopped him from knowing what was behind the mirror.

It was Raine in 8th grade on the soccer field at night with Freddy staring at the stars and feeling the enormity of the universe and Freddy held her hand and she felt like she was flying and could touch the stars and that everything would be all right from then on. The next day he was with Felicia Burnham and she wanted the Earth to swallow her up and never let her go. She knew that the inside of the Earth was warm.

It was 9th grade and she was curled up in a corner of her room, her arms sore and bleeding from so many cuts it was impossible to know which was which. Her parents stood in front of her, looking impassionate. She would never be good enough and it hurt more than anything Zack had felt in his entire life. Raine was wishing for Freddy and Zack felt for her. He wished for Katie as well.

Hate and pain and burning and blood and love and loneliness and slashes across her arm and heroin and raw bleeding lips and bitten nails and darkness and cold running through veins and emptiness and paint and mud and blood and the world in black and white and having no one and nothing all came crashing down on Zack and he stumbled back, his grip on Raine's hand finally breaking.

What happened?

Gareth had stepped forward, telling them to Indian-sit on the wooden floors to ground themselves. Raine looked hesitant and a lot younger without her vampire make-up. Zack knew she hadn't meant to do that. Still shaken, he sat down and pressed his forehead against the cool wood, letting it drain away everything inside him.

"I didn't mean to do that," he heard Raine whisper, softly, like she was scared. He suddenly realized that he had no idea how long he'd been lying on the floor. He bolted upright.

_Bad idea_. The blood went rushing to the top of his head, making his head pound even worse than it had before. His eyes finally focused on a half-empty room.

Freddy was slouched on a corner of a couch, looking at them from under his hand, which was resting on his forehead. Zack was surprised to realize that the expression on his face was worry. Raine was buried under an Afghan, and Gareth looked scarier than Zack had ever seen him.

"Katarina, how many times have I told you to control your power? You can't just perform tàth meànma in the middle of a circle! I've told you the consequences of this! People could have _died_ from the overload of information and the past. You lucked out this time, you and Zachary are extremely fortunate to still be breathing."

"I didn't mean to." Raine said again, even softer this time.

Zack looked from Gareth to Keagan to Raine to Freddy and back to Gareth. "What just happened?" he asked, and the question hung in the air for a few more moments.

Gareth fixed him with his steady brown gaze. "Tàth meànma is called the Vulcan mind-meld. In lame man's terms, it's taking your memories and emotions and showing Katarina, and vice-versa. In Wicca it's the ultimate form of trust and giving of oneself to another."

Zack nodded, even if he hadn't understood. It had happened by accident, right? Then a wave of nausea washed over him. How much had Raine seen?

"I'm sorry, Jimi," she said quietly, leveling her gaze with his. "I didn't mean to put anyone in any danger and you had been looking at me and all I felt was this gripping cold and it wouldn't stop. I am so sorry."

"How much did you see?"

"Everything."

A/N: comments? flames? praises for me? press the little button over there and tell me. :)


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